he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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