oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
