I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
