She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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