marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Randomize
