I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
