you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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