No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
