We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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