I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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