That's intense
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
