Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
