i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
