i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
