I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
