I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
