For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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