maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
