Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Randomize
