I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
