My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
