my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
