??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
