What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Randomize
