fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
