At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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