Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
