I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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