Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
