Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
dude. I can hear the air.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
