She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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