Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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