My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
