Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
