I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
