the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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