yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
My vagina is officially offended.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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