Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
