I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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