Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Randomize
