can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
