i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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