I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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