if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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