I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
These tits shall not be calmed
Randomize
