Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
