if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
