She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
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just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
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You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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