i will never coherently bang her
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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