Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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