Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
