Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
