is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
