I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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