During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize