forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
