Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
