That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
