I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
