i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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