Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
