i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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