it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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