She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
