take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
