Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
