Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
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