he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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