forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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