Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
