I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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