whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
