i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
