I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
