I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
