I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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