Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
