We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
