if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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