I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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